After a long Sunday, here I am, listening to Mariah on my ipod and really rethinking every decision I've made in the last like 6 months. I know I have always been the poster child for living with no regrets but I don't know anymore.
Well I'm in a "relationship" that's been on and off forever. This person is currently seeking refuge from the world & his world in my house. I can't even be mad or kick him out because I've ran to him for a lot of things that he fixed but I feel the love isn't there anymore. I think its partially because I'm only 18 and I want so much more from life than I've already been giving. He's older and is comfortable in his life. How do I just let him go, actually he won't just go, he thinks it isn't what I really want. Is it?
On the other end of things I used to deal with an "industry" dude who was on the come up but that was never why I liked him. He wasn't the type of guy I'm usually seen with but something about him I really liked. Recently, it's been all over the web you put the clues together, he was bagged on some charges and is now serving like a year I think. Ever since the last time I was with him he is all I can even think about, now my debate is do I go see him in jail and see where his head is at or do I just forget about him for now until he's out?
BUDGET- it's a word I don't know but I think I may need to learn. I am not broke but I am not a Trump either. Living on my own has been such a reality check, I find myself complaining about things my mom used to complain about, lights left on towels on the floor, etc. At the end of the day I had to leave home and be on my own to really grow up and find out who and what I want to do. My jacuzzi bathtub has become my private spot with candles around it where I lay, dream, and bath. It's definitely not the Sex in the City type of lifestyle I hoped it would be but it's only the beginning.
My head is filled with so much right now, I really need to be single maybe. I am never single but maybe its just what I need.
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